I just wanted to experience the summer creature comforts offered by an over-chlorinated kidney-shaped pool. For a mere hour, I wanted to live under the pretense of a “resort-style staycation,” just like all the brochures promised. Similar to the innocuous calm of reading the back of a cereal box, I wanted to quiet the chatter of my mind while reading a warning sign about swimming under the influence of diarrhea. Was that too much to ask?

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